I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
