I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This house was built for laser tag.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
