i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
did i just pee glitter
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
