The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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