help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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