I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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