Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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