from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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