your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
