Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
