I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
