we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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