Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
