I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My dick has a subreddit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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