Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
