I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
