You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We need a shit load of segways right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
