he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
