is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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