Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
