No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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