i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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