i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
