I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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