I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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