Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
