He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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