my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
