I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
