be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
