in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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