Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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