I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't tell me you're on acid again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
