I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
