I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
