Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
