before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
