thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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