He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
