We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
