Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
