Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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