I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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