Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
