Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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