I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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