ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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