I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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