i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
