So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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