I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
