this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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