Sry I called you an 8
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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