david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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