We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
