I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
