Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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