it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
