Too much gin, very little bucket
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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