remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
