so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
