She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
