come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
